It’s not about Planners, Life Hacks or Pomodoro! The real purpose of ADHD/AuDHD coaching.

This post challenges the oversimplified narrative around ADHD/AuDHD support. Drawing on years of practice, personal experience, and dialogue with other professionals, I explore what specialist coaching really helps with—and why it matters.

ADHD is fun - until it isn’t

We’re all familiar with the stereotype of the jovial ADHDer — someone who can’t sit still, forgets appointments, talkative, a little bit ditsy — perhaps even endearing — someone who loses their keys, loves a party, and gets into all sorts of scrapes.

‘Obviously, ADHD can’t be that bad, because it looks like all those ADHDers are having a great time. No wonder so many people are wanting a diagnosis - it’s very popular. 

But for those that aren’t quite so happy? They don't need special treatment — there’s plenty of advice on TikTok — and that’s very comprehensive, isn’t it?’

Well, not really…

‘Just set a timer!’ is a neither a strategy or a solution

When adults seek help, the support they’re offered often focuses on surface-level tools: use a planner, try the Pomodoro technique, download this app.

While these tools can be effective for people with a more neurotypical brain, they rarely address the real complexity of the ADHD or AuDHD experience. That’s where coaching comes in.

Coaching isn’t about micromanaging your schedule. It’s about working with the real you—your rhythms, your roadblocks, your values, and your patterns of behaviour. It’s about uncovering what’s getting in the way of action, what’s preventing connection, and what’s eroding self-respect.

At heart, coaching is about acceptance and self-understanding — and helping you build the life you want with the brain you’ve got.

Here are some of the key areas coaching can help with — based on years of supporting neurodivergent adults, collaborating with other professionals, and reflecting on my own lived experience.

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1. Inconsistent Action: When Knowing Isn’t Enough

The Gap Between Intention and Action

One of the most painful aspects of ADHD is knowing exactly what you need to do—sometimes in great detail—and still not doing it.  You procrastinate, get distracted, implement a new regime for sorting out your socks, and still you don’t feel motivated.  Perhaps you just need to leave things to the last minute, work with the adrenaline rush? — but when the moment comes, something inside you stalls. Even though you know how to do this task, you realise you can’t.  Your mind and body already seems to be resigned to the consequences, because the consequences don’t seem as bad as trying to do that task right now. This isn’t laziness or lack of intelligence. It’s executive dysfunction.

Executive dysfunction is caused by the inconsistent transmission and reception of neurotransmitters in the brain (something that lies behind many ADHD problems).  But if that were the only cause, medication would be much more consistently effective. 

There are a number of other factors, and this is where I can help identify the hidden blockers: emotional discomfort, fear of failure, avoidance loops, unconscious beliefs. We work together to reduce shame and find adaptive ways to move forward—without pushing you back into that gap.

The Boom–Bust Cycle

ADHDers often throw themselves into a new routine, new hobby, new relationship, new diet, new something else (as long as its new!), only to crash a few weeks later. You’re not lacking discipline—you’re reacting to inconsistent dopamine levels, fluctuating motivation, and a system that wasn’t designed for your brain. During coaching we can focus on building habits that ebb and flow with your energy, rather than fighting against it.

Trouble with Transitions

Switching from one task to another can be disorienting or exhausting. Many clients describe the invisible barrier that arises when moving between work and rest, or even between types of tasks. Coaching can help you recognise this resistance and find more compassionate ways to navigate it.

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2. Managing Life: Adulting Badly

Life Admin and the “ADHD Tax”

Missed deadlines. Unpaid bills. Ignored emails. These might seem like small things, but for many ADHDers, they snowball—bringing financial penalties, higher bills, lost opportunities, or fractured relationships. This cumulative burden is often called the “ADHD tax.”

Coaching supports you in experimenting with tools and routines that work with your brain—not someone else’s. We can explore planning systems, body doubling, external accountability, realistic timeframes, and setting up effective support using friends, family, or paid help in order to reduce stress.

Environments That Reflect Your Needs

Your physical space can either support your focus or become a source of background distress. Many clients feel their homes reflect their internal state—messy, chaotic, or half-finished. Coaching helps you declutter and organise in a way that makes your space functional and soothing, not just tidy for appearance’s sake.

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3. Health: Caring for Yourself is Really Hard

The Self-Care Blind Spot

One of the most under-recognised patterns I see in clients is a resistance to prioritising their own wellbeing. This isn’t just forgetfulness—it’s often a deep-seated discomfort with focusing on yourself. It feels indulgent, or unsafe, or somehow not allowed.

Paradoxically, people with ADHD may seem self-absorbed (always interrupting, always complaining, attracting too much attention, wanting to be 'different'...), but rarely does this apparent self-obsession lead to much real care or attention to health. Coaching helps reframe self-care as essential, not a luxury—both for yourself and for those around you. When you’re in better health, you are able to manage your ADHD much more effectively.

Wittingly and Unwittingly Self-Medicating

It’s very common for ADHDers to reach for sugar, caffeine, alcohol, or other substances — not to chase a high, but (as strange as it sounds to neurotypicals) to feel normal. These behaviours often fly under the radar because they’re socially acceptable or appear mild, but they’re often compensating for a lack of internal regulation.

Coaching provides a space to notice these patterns without shame. While I don’t treat addiction, I can help clients understand when specialist support might be helpful—and explore healthier ways of regulating attention, mood, and energy.

Inconsistent Sleep and Recovery

Sleep issues are often unspoken in ADHD support. Whether it’s bedtime procrastination, nighttime hyperfocus, or erratic energy cycles, disrupted sleep worsens every other symptom. Coaching can help bring awareness to your body’s signals, find gentler evening routines, and put rest back on the radar.

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4. Relating to Others: Communication, Connection and Boundaries

Communicating Needs

People with ADHD often struggle to articulate what they need, especially under stress. You might say too much, or not enough. You might over-explain, downplay, or avoid the conversation altogether—then feel frustrated when others don’t understand you.

Coaching helps you practise clearer, more confident communication, grounded in your real experience—not in masking or overcompensating.

Boundaries and Burnout

Saying “yes” too often. People-pleasing. Taking on too much. Many clients have never been taught how to set and maintain boundaries—especially if they grew up in environments where their neurodivergence was misunderstood or rejected. Coaching offers tools to set limits with respect and clarity, without guilt.

Repairing Strained Relationships

Whether at work or at home, ADHD can impact relationships in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Missed cues, forgotten conversations, or emotional reactivity can create tension. We work together to reflect on what went wrong, take responsibility where needed, and find new ways to reconnect.

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5. Understanding Yourself: Emotions, Identity, and Self-Belief

Emotional Intensity and Shame Spirals

ADHD isn’t just about attention—it’s also about emotion. Many clients describe mood swings, intense sensitivity to rejection, and overwhelming guilt or shame. You’re not being dramatic: these are real neurobiological patterns, and they’re exhausting.

In coaching, we name these experiences and make space for them. You learn to interrupt the spiral, not by denying how you feel, but by developing a more balanced response—one that leaves room for action, growth, and gentleness.

Who are you anyway?

When you live with ADHD, your sense of self can get distorted. You might flip between confidence and despair, depending on the day. You might have absorbed years of negative messaging—at school, in relationships, online—and stopped trusting your instincts.

Through coaching, we reconstruct identity on more solid ground. We explore your strengths, values, creativity, and history—not just the parts you struggle with. It’s not about pretending ADHD hasn’t shaped you. It’s about refusing to let it define you.

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Concluding thoughts

If you’re living with ADHD or AuDHD, life can feel like a constant scramble to catch up. You might be juggling too much, stuck in cycles of guilt or avoidance, or unsure how things ever got so tangled. It’s exhausting. And when the advice you’re given feels shallow or generic, it only adds to the frustration.

Specialist ADHD/AuDHD coaching offers something different. It creates space to pause, take stock, unmask, and be honest about what’s really going on—without judgement.

In the introduction, I said coaching is about acceptance and self-understanding. Without those, meaningful change stays out of reach. But change still happens and life keeps moving. Challenges keep piling up. You’re changed by stress, by burnout, by circumstances you didn’t choose.

Crucially, coaching is more than a space to reflect and consider.  Coaching helps put you back in the driving seat. It helps you implement practical solutions to real-world problems, one step at a time. Coaching offers an anchor when you feel swept along and a neutral starting point when everything feels stuck.

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start working with an ADHD / AuDHD Coach (honestly, it’s often better if you don’t!). If you’re open and curious, coaching meets you where you are — right now — and helps you take the next step forward.

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Want to Know If ADHD / AuDHD Coaching Is Right for You?

I'd love to hear from you!

You can book a free 30-minute consultation to ask questions and talk through what support might look like. Or try a one-off, low-cost taster session to experience coaching first-hand.